terça-feira, setembro 07, 2010
I still think of you, certanly. When I saw you, I got scared, I couldn't face you, my heart started to bump seeming like it was about to explode. Lucky or not, I didn´t have to open my mouth, otherwise I woudn't know what to say or do. You were the same. Jus´t that glince was enough to make me happy.
First thought was that you were with him. I was almoust sure you two were a couple or married or I don´t know what. Time changes people, and I wonder what has happened to you in these years. I always think everyone has builted a life but me, because I haven´t changed much, except in the part of loosing all faith and being more alone than ever.
I've ruined it all in the past, but in that last moment, I felt I have tryed everything I could. It mabe seem coward, but that last try gave me a sense of peace with my counsciessness. That´s why I have lost all my reason and called you. After that I coudn´t face you, with shame.
Of course I always thought I would find you again, but that didn´t happened at all. When I would go to the city, I thought that sooner or later we would cross, but never happened. You always knew where I was, I assume that if you have never looked for me it's because you didn't ever thought about me, because I would be easy to find. Even now I'm writing this assuming that those words could never be about me, and these sentences are just for me to feel at ease with my bad counsciessness.
I have loved you, and I still do, I never forgot you even though I had no hope at all. If I think about all the girls I have found, I can say for sure that I never had that same feeling I had for you: this is love at first sight, this is the girl of my life, this is true love.
Time acts like a corrosion. Sometimes you loose all hopes, that's why I find hard to believe that you could still remember me at all. If I could choose, I would stay wih you forever, but how? What can we do? What can I do? I write this, and I think this is a paranoia and that I'm writing to myself, no one reads this. After the message that I have sent you, I felt terribly ashame, unable of trying to connect again.
But I still love you, and if you still love, please help! Do something so we could find a way to stablish contact and be together, that would be just perfect... The question is how? How to reach paradise now? I don't have the strenght after failling twice with you...
We are too alike. We should do something or this could be the last oportunity.